Girls Gone Wild

I was elated when I got a postcard in the mail last week advertising the once yearly mega Title Nine sale. For those not familiar with Title Nine...it is this kick-ass store that sells women's athletic clothing. Cool athletic clothing. Title Nine are big time advocates for women participating in sports and fitness. While they say they are a group of both men and women, I have only seen women working at their stores. This suits me fine. Who would trust some dude trying to decipher one sports bra from the next? Anyway, it is a catalog and online company with a few stores on the west coast...lucky for us there is one at Green Lake! I was even more elated to find out that the sale started on Thursday and that I would be able to go on day one, instead of having to wait until Saturday.

So...yesterday I head out to Hanger 34 at Magnuson Park around 9:45. How many women can really be unemployed, stay at home moms, teachers or taking the day off for the T9 sale? Apparently a lot. I got there just before 10 am (starting time) and I was probably the 300th person to enter the sale. Holy shit...there are a lot of chicks in here. I got my garbage bag upon entering and quickly scanned the room. I headed to the the area with the least amount of stuff and things that were most likely to disappear quickly. Pants and vests. The idea here is to grab more than you are going to buy, multiple sizes, etc. and ditch them in the dressing room (I mean area) if they don't work out. I figured there were a ton of shirts, tanks, etc. and I didn't have to hurry off to the shoe section being a size 5 and all, so I hit my carefully selected tables. Score. Serious score.

I fill my bag and head off to the dressing area. This "area" is really a big room of women trying on all sorts of stuff with a few small and not very well-dispersed mirrors. Guess I gotta trust the "feel" of the clothes today. I find some open floor space along the edge of the area and settle in for my clothing extravaganza. Now, I am not on the extreme end of modest but I never have quite adapted (although I take part in it) to the locker/shower room scene at pools, etc. I blame this on my high school's PE program and the idea that in 40 minutes you really couldn't possibly generate very much sweat, especially playing dodge ball, so why shower? But, I was feeling alright since nobody was paying any attention to the 75 or so women baring all. It was all about the clothes today. I did have a brief moment of panic however, when I realized that I was sporting my Gonzo (yes, Gonzo from the Muppets) undies. There is a story about these undies that I won't go in to...but they (along with my Hello Kitty undies) are my favorite. As a side note, this shit always happens to me. I go get a massage in the pair of underwear that I should have thrown away 2 years ago....or in the Hello Kitty undies. Last time I went for a massage, my masseuse commented on how cute they are. Great. I guess I need to spend some more time coordinating my undergarments with my calendar. Anyway, I said fuck it to Gonzo and started trying on my goods.

1 hour, 4 pairs of pants, 3 vests, 2 tanks, 1 rash guard, 1 pair of board shorts, 1 pair of shoes and 1 cool bag later, I trade in my black trash bag for white ones and I am outta there. Now, I probably didn't need that 3rd vest or 4th pair of pants, but this sale is once a year people. And we are talking Patagonia vests for $35.00. I have a hard time walking away from something as good as that. As a bonus, I tried on all of these clothes with a mirror at home and surprisingly, I don't look like a fire hydrant in any of them, not even in the cool red pants!

So, here is my recommendation...go to Title Nine, get on their mailing list and plan on taking a sick day and joining me for breakfast followed by the sale next year. That is my advice for the women. Now for the single men out there...just go hang out there for Christ's sake. Find a reason to be there. I saw 3 men there. That is a 1 to 100 ratio boys. Even I know this is a good thing for you.

On another clothing sidenote before I sign off...tomorrow is my annual company summer party...Mariner's game at Safeco field. There is always a free shirt to accompany the summer event. Yep, you guessed it. This year it is a 3/4 sleeve baseball t-shirt with some ugly text on the front. I can't believe they actually spent money on these things. My god. Regardless they are encouraging people to wear them so the caterers can identify us easier. Please. We are already going to be there 2 hours before the game starts, in our own separate area AND there are 650 if us...so who the fuck cares if they can identify me or not? But more importantly, what guy in their right mind would be caught dead in such a girly shirt? Guess we''ll find out tomorrow. Stay tuned!